Vivid, semi-lucid dreams last night....just wish my alarm wouldnt make me lose all memory of what was going on #luciddreams #vividdreams

© 2007-2011 Jacob Tauer
This information is not to be used in any form, online or off, without the express permission of the author

After reading this story for English, I've decided it would be better and safer if I chose not to exercise my 2nd Amendment rights.

© 2007-2011 Jacob Tauer
This information is not to be used in any form, online or off, without the express permission of the author

Seether - Remedy

Today I was playing my bass, practicing so I can actually do something when friends and I get together. I decided to test myself by pulling up Remedy by Seether to see if I could play along. To my amazement, I COULD. Therefore, today marks the first time I was ever able to play along with a song at full speed. Quite the stepping stone, if I do say so myself.

© 2007-2011 Jacob Tauer
This information is not to be used in any form, online or off, without the express permission of the author

Forever

This blog thing is gonna be tough to keep up while I'm at school...not a lot of exciting stuff happens, when it does, I'm too tired or unable to update, and I'm just too tired or busy to update in general.  I'll do my best though.

You may have noticed the YouTube post a couple days ago...I've begun watching YouTube videos more regularly and so if I find some tidbit of gold within a video, I may just post the video and add a short (or long) commentary.  That may make posting easier too since I have to do less work, being the lazy shit I am. :)

Couple random thoughts today:
1. When shaving a week's worth of beard, do a once-over with an electric razor, use lots of shaving cream, and use a sharp blade.  The only thing I did right is lots of shaving cream. Ouch.  Also, it gets rather cold without that insulation.

2. I may eat in the "to-go" area of our caf too much if all the employees know who I am and what I order.  I also have a rather impressive, efficient system for getting in and out quickly.

3. Getting eye-effed is one of the most satisfying feelings a guy can experience.  Link mildly NSFW.

4. Ten Ton Brick is an awesome song to wake up to. <<(YouTube video)

I think that's about it...Have a great day everyone!

© 2007-2011 Jacob Tauer
This information is not to be used in any form, online or off, without the express permission of the author

It's Almost Easy

It's almost easy to say "okay, you're forgiven," almost easy just to let go, or it's almost easy to give up.

© 2007-2011 Jacob Tauer
This information is not to be used in any form, online or off, without the express permission of the author.

Back to Reality

Bonjour!

Been a busy couple of days for me. A new semester starts tomorrow and so I made the long, scenically-boring drive down to Des Moines. Can't say I'm overly excited to be back, but it is definitely good to see everyone again!

Although I've been busy, it hasn't been all that eventful. Hung out with a good crew last night to kick off the semester right, but beyond that, unpacking is the only truly notable event that I can think of from the last day or two, unfortunately.

One last note before I head off to bed: the response to my lastest essay/writing/critique of society, titled "Regrets" has been awesome! A huge thank you to all those who have given comments or critiques whether here, on Facebook, or through text! You guys are amazing! If there's anyone you think hasn't read it yet, please share it with them! It may change their life!

Anyway, enough enthusiasm for tonight. I'm off to read for a little bit and then to try to get to bed.

Thought of the Day: Sometimes the thing you look forward to least is the thing you enjoy most.

-Jake

0-21-21-59

© 2007-2011 Jacob Tauer
This information is not to be used in any form, online or off, without the express permission of the author

Regrets

"Forget regret, or life is yours to miss."

- Jonathan Larson

"To regret something is to hang yourself with your own noose. Mental suicide."

- Anonymous

"If only. Those must be the two saddest words in the world."

- Mercedes Lackey

"I would much rather have regrets about not doing what people said, than regretting not doing what my heart led me to and wondering what life had been like if I'd just been myself"

- Brittany Renee

"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.”

- Sydney Smith

"I see it all perfectly; there are two possible situations - one can either do this or that. My honest opinion and my friendly advice is this: do it or do not do it - you will regret both."

- Soren Kierkegaard

________________________________________________________________

Live without regret. Regret is no longer regret if you learned from it. Don’t regret what happened because it could’ve turned out so much worse.

All those sayings are trash. Garbage. Complete and utter bullshit. No doubt good to strive to live by, but impossible to attain. Everyone has regrets, and whether you learned from what happened or not doesn’t affect that it still hangs there, in the back of your mind, that giant “WHAT IF?” Most of you positive, no-regret thinkers are out there right now thinking, “This guy is nuts! I don’t have regrets!” But you do. You’re not admitting it to yourself, but if you look back, maybe start uncovering some long-buried memories, there is something in your past that you regret. And that’s normal. The important thing is what we do with those regrets.

There are people who bury the memories and the context of the regret in order to make it seem like it doesn’t exist and, for all intents and purposes, it doesn’t to them. They don’t think about it. They can live in their fantasy regret-free world. Nothing is wrong with that. No one will diagnose them as psychotic for it, no one will tell them to just live and let live, no one will see anything wrong in the way they live. They will be the perfectly happy, optimistic people they are and go through life in relative bliss. I think I’d even be safe in saying that half or more of the population falls into this category, even with the selfish, need-to-be-perfect society we live in. What I want from these people is for them to know the other side of the story, to know that it’s out there, and to respect the people that have to deal with it.

The other half of the population lets their regrets eat them alive, destroying their mind, emotionally tearing them apart from the inside. “Mental suicide.” For these people, every day is filled with that “What if?” Always second-guessing their actions, not only from the past, but also what they do every day. It’s similar to a bad relationship. Someone gets hurt and from that point on, they are constantly over-cautious about their future relationships in order to try to save themselves the hurt. The vast majority of these people live perfectly normal lives, just like the first group, except instead of being blissfully unaware of their regrets, they are simply able to overcome or push them aside. The minority of people are those who cannot deal with things so simply, ending up with anxiety issues, sometimes to the point of depression.

I’d like to say that, because I’m aware of both groups, I’ve been able to consciously train myself to live and think like the first group. That would be a lie. There are definitely regrets hidden in the depths of my subconscious that I’m not currently aware of and which I hope I never become aware of. But I fit snugly within the second group. I have regrets that I am acutely aware of and which I simply cannot wish away. One of these stays in the forefront of my mind because situations it is associated with come up quite frequently. Another I cannot shake because, for some reason, I still think about the situation, even though it no longer occurs in my life in any way, shape, or form. I have a very strong feeling that my degree choice is going to come back and bite me farther down the road.

I’m not giving anyone excuses for how they are or anything like that. “Woe is me” stuff doesn’t work with me. I’m dealing with it, you can too. I’m no stronger than anyone else out there; your mental and emotional strength is entirely what you make it. My hope is that people will begin to realize that it’s OKAY to have regrets. It’s perfectly natural. You don’t have to hide it or be ashamed. If you don’t want to go into specifics, obviously that’s your right to privacy. I don’t share mine either. But acknowledge they are there. Write them down and face them head on. Some of them, you may realize either aren’t actually regrets or that you can actually do something to fix it. Facing your past will allow you to be more true to yourself, allowing you to understand yourself, why you act and feel and think the way you do. This is an extremely important part in the process of self-definition: facing your fears and regrets head on and coming to terms with them in the most positive way possible.

You can’t live without regrets. It’s not possible. What you CAN do is live your life in the way that makes you happiest, looking back over your shoulder occasionally. When you see something you don’t like, turn around, wave your past self forward, sit down over some coffee (or beer or whatever your drink of choice is) and talk it out. Explain to yourself why you made the decision you did, why you thought that choice would make you happier. Once you’ve done that, get up, turn forward once again, and march on.

01/15/2011
© 2007-2011 Jacob Tauer
This information is not to be used in any form, online or off, without the express permission of the author

No Shirt, No Shoes, No Problem

Hola!

Sorry for the delay in posting...too tired last night and now is the first time today I've really felt like typing it up.

So...yesterday and today...Friday and Saturday...my last two nights at home for winter break. I received a text from my ride back to school asking if it would be alright if we leave tomorrow night in order to avoid a snow storm Monday, so we're leaving approximately 18 hours early. That means I'll be back at school by late tomorrow night, back to school, bad food, and worse decisions :) Not overly excited (if ya can't tell), but it'll be good to see everyone again and I'm actually kind of excited for one or two of my classes. I'm also anxious to get started on my not-New-Years-related resolutions, which will either last the first two weeks and more or they will not survive.

One such...experiment...I just decided to start a day or two ago. I'm not shaving (facial hair, pervs) for a while. Well, to be more specific, I will only be shaving my neck for a few days. I'll gradually start shaving other areas of my face as they irritate me...my money is either on my upper lip or my lower lip, above my chin (if that makes sense). The goal? There isn't one. Get my parents to complain (they have just under 24 hours to do so) or for someone to make a comment about how nasty I look.

***EDIT*** The facial hair experiment was restarted today as I figured I should be clean-shaven for church and in order to give my mother a proper hug goodbye tonight.

Yesterday was somewhat eventful for me, definitely not in a good way. For one thing, iTunes crashed on me again and erased my entire library. This means that I must go through my entire library of music fixing all the artists, genres, and song titles for the second time in just a few weeks. It may be a small blessing in disguise, however. Before I put everything back into iTunes, I'm going through all my music folders and re-organizing my music so song files will no longer be buried 4 folders deep. Instead, I will have My Music>Music>*artist name*>*song files*, which will hopefully make it much more easy to access and determine what music I do or don't have at any given time. Also makes locating lost iTunes files much easier. Despite this blessing in disguise, I would like to call for everyone who does not currently use iTunes to boycott it. It's not worth the trouble when you can just drag and drop music to a normal mp3 player. I specify people who don't currently use iTunes because I know those iPod users won't give up their iPods just because I had a bad experience.

The second event yesterday was the dreaded bi-annual dentist appointment. No need for details just in case any of you are woozy, but let me say, for not having any cavities and "near-perfectly clean" teeth, there sure was a lot of blood and pain involved.

Speaking of injuries...the injury report: busted up knee; ankle still very tender, but scabbing over; still potentially broken hand; sore, swollen mouth and gums. One thing gets better, something else happens...Geez.

And now...The Main Event...which deserves a post of its own. Coming Soon :)

Thought of the Day: "Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

-J

0-21-21-59

© 2007-2011 Jacob Tauer
This information is not to be used in any form, online or off, without the express permission of the author

All In All, It's Just Another Brick In The Wall

Hey everyone! Long time no see!

Today, absolutely nothing happened so I decided to combine Tuesday and today. So yesterday I realized I have a newly found (but somewhat old) addiction: Excel spreadsheets. I go online, downloading template after template tracking anything you can imagine and I try to make it fit my life situation. If I can, I save the spreadsheet and fill it out thoroughly, if not, I trash it and move on to the next one. I spent FIVE+ HOURS finding and saving spreadsheets yesterday, and another many hours today changing and fixing them. Great time waster, but really, how many budget spreadsheets could I possibly need?!

Speaking of needs, all of my friends used to be women. I had maybe 2-3 female friends to every guy friend throughout most of high school. Recently though, I realized I now spend very little time with women due to friendships that have somewhat disintegrated, which is unfortunate because they are usually who I feel most comfortable with for some reason. So, new task for myself. Get out and meet women. Not necessarily to date or pick up, but just for some friends to hang out with, get back in that comfortable zone again. If a relationship happens to come out of it, awesome!

Now to old relationships: last night, I hung out with a young woman whom I had not seen for well over a year. We do text constantly, although there was about a 6-month hiatus on that too during my last relationship. Most people you would figure it would be awkward to hang out after all that time, at least for the first time or two. Not us. We jumped back into "normalcy" (we're both horribly weird) in a matter of minutes. Go figure.

NEWS: Nothing new to me, but I haven't mentioned it yet...The family and I are going to Disney World this summer! Whoohoo! Warm Weather!!

Injury Update: Ear not as bad, ankle wound re-opened, possible bruised bone in my foot, possible broken hand. I tell ya, living at home is DANGEROUS.

I want everyone to go check out my favorite comic EVER. This link will bring you to the most recent comic, but I suggest going through and reading all 1700 strips. It'll take a while, but the whole story won't make a lot of sense without reading it all. Anyway, HIGHLY entertaining.

One last announcement, I am currently working on a fairly comprehensive autobiography to post for all of you so you can get a better idea of who I am and what I'm like. It could take a while to get up but you can be sure I'm workin' on it.

Thought of the Day comes from a fortune cookie: Think like an acting man. Act like a thinking man.

-Jake

7-18-18-56

© 2007-2011 Jacob Tauer
This information is not to be used in any form, online or off, without the express permission of the author

Halle BerrrrrryyyyyyHalle Berry

Another day in the life...almost two full days, actually, since my last post.

Sunday was rather uneventful...visited my grandparents, which was nice, and had some awesome chicken pot pie for dinner, but beyond that, I can't remember doing anything, so I must not have done anything too special.

Monday was a different story. I was super productive today...got clothes put away, emptied and re-filled the dishwasher for my parents (I don't do that normally), headed to work to pick up over $100 from that overnight shift on Friday/Saturday, and then I headed to Lifetime where I proceeded to run 7 MILES over the course of an HOUR. Needless to say, I was a bit tired. Once I got home though, I re-hydrated and headed out with David, Nick, and Ryan to screw around at the mall for a bit. Got some Chinese, bought a couple t-shirts and then we headed out and drove around for a while, just jammin' out to the totally random CDs I have in my car. Eventually ended up at another friend, Robbie's, house and we watched The Fellowship of the Ring. Interesting choice, but a good movie. Follow that with some driving/jamming home and that's pretty much the story of my day.

And sorry for the step-by-step journalling here tonight. I had some awesome introspective, philosophical thoughts today and now that I'm actually sittin' down to write this, they've all disappeared. I also can't come up with my own TotD so that'll be a quote. So...instead of me breakin' something down...do it yourself. Think about money, friends you've gained and lost, and music that you've forgotten over time. I feel like those would be good philosophical topics for the night.

Thought of the Day: All you have to decide is what to do with the time given to you.

-Lazyass

Miles: 7-18-18-56

ps. I'm changing my run totals to daily-monthly-yearly-lifetime

© 2007-2011 Jacob Tauer
This information is not to be used in any form, online or off, without the express permission of the author

Goodbyes, School, Lucy, and Exhaustion

Hey everybody,

Sorry about the delayed post but the last few days have been pretty crazy. Sit tight, 'cause it's gonna be a long one.

On Friday night I worked my first ever winter shift and my first ever overnight at the my current job and it was quite an experience. I've never had to deal with ice, snow, and cold while working before, and I'm not used to working past midnight so working until 0400 was quite a stretch for me. I got through it alright, though, and hopefully I'll be able to pick up my tips in the next day or so.

Saturday kept me running. After I got home at 0430, I was up around 1100 so I could help out with "security" at a dance competition with Taylor. Worked there from around 1330-1700 which wasn't horrible, but based on the lack of sleep, I pretty much chugged three Mountain Dews just to stay awake when I got there. Of course, that leads to an upset stomach due to having no food in my system and therefore prolongs my day. As soon as I finished up at the invite, my family and I headed out to Applebees for dinner and then I headed over to Mike's house for a while...which brings me to my next point.

Goodbyes suck. Yesterday I had to, yet again, say goodbye to two good friends as they headed off to their respective colleges. It's not nearly as hard as that first time, but still not easy, especially considering I may not see them until summer, if then (Mike may or may not come back home). Again, this isn't really new, I've gone through it many times with many friends over the last three years, but it's still not a whole lot of fun.

Aaaand back-to-school time again. I knew it was coming, heard people talking about how they can't wait to get back....I'm not ready, so thank goodness I have a week left. In all honesty, if I had more free reign over my life at home, I would live here, or at least in this area, forever. I have no desire to go back to school to live with tons of people, sharing bathrooms, eating crappy food, walking everywhere in the cold, etc. I'd be much happier livin' at home, even if I had to work full-time. At least if I'm working, I'm making money and gaining experience. School is the place where I spend all my money and pretty much stagnate. Sure, I'm working towards a degree, but what does that degree get anyone in the long run? It's not the degree that matters, it's the experience, professionalism, and how you present yourself. So I'm sitting at a school 3 1/2 hours away from home, spending my money, and making no progress toward my career. Awesome. At least it gives me time to figure out my career options since I still haven't figured that one out.

A couple of projects I plan on working on this year: my music database and breaking a couple addictions/habits that I have. With the music database, my hope is to compile information for all artists in my iTunes library, all their albums, and all the songs on those albums. It's going to be a long, time-consuming process (I have 700+ artists), but I think I'll be happy with it in the end...if I ever reach the end. As far as habits and addictions, I'd rather not get too much into them, but one of the ones I'm going to work on hitting HARD is my procrastination and laziness when it comes to school. My brain can't deal with all the stress of doing all my homework the day of or the night before it's due. Wish me luck.

Finally, one project/plan: working out. I've been running quite a bit lately, and I have an Excel spreadsheet that's tracking all kinds of heart rates and miles and paces and how far I have to run to get to the moon and things. Starting today, I'm going to start posting my daily-monthly-yearly mile totals (in that format) at the bottom of the page, just so you all can see how I'm progressing, as well as another thing to hold me accountable to myself and my plan.

A note about my last post's note: This title is NOT made up purely of lyrics. Only "Lucy" is based on lyrics (F*** You Lucy, by Atmosphere), though I'm sure you could fine some decent songs if you Google the rest of the words too.

Thought of the Day: Money is great to have, especially when you work hard and have quite a bit in the bank. However, be careful because that money disappears QUICKLY when you're in college and paying for tuition and books and things. I'm finding this out yet again...thankfully, I had a little more saved up this year due to a better summer.

As Always,

Iacobus

Miles: 0-11-11

© 2007-2011 Jacob Tauer
This information is not to be used in any form, online or off, without the express permission of the author

How Long Will I Be Picking Up The Pieces?

Bonjour!

Seems like so much has happened in the last day or two, and yet I feel like I have nothing to write! That means this is going to be kind of list-y.

So yesterday...Friday. Woke up in a terrible mood which lasted all day, went to Lifetime and ran 5 miles, sat around at home for hours and hours, went and played some hockey from 8ish-10:30ish, then headed over to T's house to watch Biodome.

Lifetime: Running that distance put me in an alright mood but it apparently didn't last long once I got home. Also, stay away from the $6 smoothies...they're good, but $6???

Sitting at home: I love my quiet time...I could easily spend an entire day by myself and be perfectly happy. The problem is, I need it to be an ENTIRE day by myself or a day mostly with people. I can't do a mix...it just irritates me. I think that was part of my bad mood...I got some time to myself, then had to interact with my mom, then more time to myself, then interact with my whole family, more time to myself, time with friends...my mind doesn't like all that change, I think. Who knows though? Could've been a fluke for as much as I understand my own brain.

Hockey: Pretty good time...not so much fun with a nasty blister though. I got sick of the constant pain fairly early and spent a good amount of the time standing around talking to a couple friends. Did some self- and past-evaluative thinking/conversing...living without regrets is TOUGH. (see Thought of the Day)

Biodome: I had never seen the movie, but I gotta admit, it was pretty dang good. I don't think I enjoyed it as much as I could've because I had other things running through my head (such as deciding whether or not I should take the 8pm-4am shift, Fri-Sat [which I did, stupidly]), but from what I paid attention to, highly enjoyable and recommended for anyone who likes dumb humor.

Thought of the Day: If you're a fairly shy, quiet guy like me, go for that girl anyway. In many cases that I've seen in the past, if you're anything like me, you'll treat her just as well or better than the loud, outgoing guy and then you end up happy as well.

-Jake

Ps. If you haven't noticed in the few posts I've made so far, all the post titles are song lyrics...Google 'em. You might find something new! :)

© 2007-2011 Jacob Tauer
This information is not to be used in any form, online or off, without the express permission of the author

I Could Be Mean...I Could Be Angry...

Early post tonight...just wanted to mention how amazing it is that some cancelled plans I hadn't even remembered until this afternoon and a little time around my family can put me in an absolutely terrible mood.

Nothing else to mention though...today was exactly how I thought it would. See y'all late tomorrow night or Friday morning.

-J

© 2007-2011 Jacob Tauer
This information is not to be used in any form, online or off, without the express permission of the author

And The Bass Keep Runnin' Runnin', And Runnin' Runnin', And Runnin' Runnin'...

Hola!

Another busy day for me yesterday...I got very little sleep before I had to get up for my doctor's appointment which turned out to be a waste of my time. I pretty much went in there, got my blood pressure taken, was told all my bloodwork from last time looked good and I was outta there within about 20 minutes. Ah well...what can ya do? Could've been much worse, I guess...coulda told me I was pregnant or something. :D

Anyway...shortly after that, I met up with some buddies of mine and we headed up to another friend's house for a little "band practice." Surprisingly, since I've owned my bass for approximately 3 years and only started playing it recently, I'm gettin' pretty decent. We've got a couple songs down well enough to play full speed and, compared to the actual song, we don't sound half bad! Maybe there's hope for my guitar-playing skills after all...

I'm hoping today is fairly relaxing...I'm planning on working out and doing a lot of sitting around. If this is the case, you probably won't hear from me until after tomorrow...if something comes up (as life tends to do to me), I'll be sure to let all of you in on the incredibly, amazingly juicy* details!

*"incredibly, amazingly juicy" details are likely to include "Went to ____'s house. Played video games. Had a good dinner. Went to bed much later than planned."

Not much else to report...considering I called the last 2 days "busy," it's not so much to write about as a few things that took up a large part of my day.

Happy Hump Day!

-Jake

© 2007-2011 Jacob Tauer
This information is not to be used in any form, online or off, without the express permission of the author

The Way It Was...

Hey everyone!

Today was fairly interesting...went ice skating/played ice hockey for the first time in my life!  Surprisingly, it wasn't as horrible as it always seems to be in movies....constant falling down and blisters the size of an orange by the end of the day.  I do have one decent-sized blister, but I rarely fell and, though I'm slow and not much good with a hockey stick, I think I did alright for my first time!  Makes me wonder what other things on TV seem really difficult but aren't....hmmm....

Also today, played a little bass for the first time in months, and, in another first for me, first time actually playing with other people and a song! (not counting GuitarPro).  Worked a little on Ten Ton Brick (Hurt), but the majority of the time we watched Ryan attempt to tune his guitar and then worked out a bit of Remedy (Seether). Doin' the same thing tomorrow, and it will probably be similar...heading up to David's house so we can put the songs through a stereo and add David on drums and Taylor on vocals...get a real setup goin'.

On a less fun note...doctor appointment tomorrow morning.  Which probably means I should get headin' to bed...I feel it's going to be rather difficult getting up tomorrow after today's adventures!

Hope y'all had a great day!

-Jake

© 2007-2011 Jacob Tauer
This information is not to be used in any form, online or off, without the express permission of the author

A New Chapter

Hey All,

My favorite band, who I shamelessly promote, Hurt (clickclick), Facebook statuses. Well, this idea has finally made it way into this blog as well. Starting today (officially January 3rd), this will be more of a "true" blog than just random poetry and lyrics and shtuff.

Now don't get me wrong...I doubt this will ever be whatever constitutes a "good" blog, but hopefully this change will make me update more often and give some less depressing, more balanced +/- coverage of whatever my topic has to be. No promises that the topics themselves will be less depressing, but hopefully I will better represent more sides of the topics I hit. Hopefully they won't be so serious all the time either.

Basically what I'm going for is a sort of journal-ish thing. I'll see or notice or hear about random things in life and, if something strikes me as interesting enough to write a paragraph or 4 about it, there's my post. Hopefully interesting, if not, well...we'll just say the blog can't go far downhill from where it's at. Nothing against my readers but, well...I only have proof of one or two of you. I appreciate your loyalty, but I'd like to reach a larger audience as well if possible.

This has been a long post so I'll finish up. I want to again thank anyone who read the old style of the blog and especially those who came back time and time again. For those who liked the old stuff, I'll still throw some of that in here when I come up with it as well. I would also like to welcome any new or return-from-hiatus readers; I hope this time I can manage to be entertaining enough to convince you to stick around!

A late toast...I have used it before, but it is fitting here:
To old friends and new, to great times and learning through hardships, and to a New Chapter. Happy New Year, everyone.

Sincerely and Humbly,
-Jake

PS. If you ever need to get in touch with me, please feel free to email cynicallyinfluenced@hotmail.com. I probably won't check it real often unless I start getting a lot of mail, but I WILL get back to you as soon as possible.

© 2007-2011 Jacob Tauer
This information is not to be used in any form, online or off, without the express permission of the author