The World I Have Entered

What am I that food cannot satisfy my hunger?
What's happened that water cannot quench my thirst?
Since when can a woman's touch, a hug even, satisfy more than sex and her body?
When did I reach the point of not fighting, of simply not caring?

What is this world I have entered?

When have I been so motivated with no outside cause?
When have I been successful as a result of hard work?
Who is this person I've become, rejecting his friends, accepting his enemies?

What is this world I have entered?

4-27-2009

© 2007-2009 Jacob Tauer
This information is not to be used in any form, online or off, without the express permission of the author
 

Summertime

The last days of school…so many thoughts and emotions running through everyone’s head: plans to make and keep, happiness and sadness (both because school is over), excitement about the unknown days ahead. Yearbooks being signed left and right, always with the promise that “we’ll all hang out” or that we’ll “call to set something up”; promises that are rarely kept. Now that summer is here, we all think we’re free from the prison that holds us to way too many obligations for nine months of the year. We have not escaped, however, we have only moved; moved to the mental prison that is summer: brokenness, broken plans, broken hearts, broken promises, broken friendships. All these broken things keep us trapped until we once more enter the institution of school. So why do people get so excited for summer? Because, like in the rest of our lives, the good outweighs the bad nine times out of ten. Long days at the beach, BBQs, parties, and friends 24/7 make up for any plans you may break or fights you may have. Sure, people have work and they have sports practices and other things but there’s always time for your friends some other time during the day. That’s the real meaning, the real excitement behind summer, isn’t it? FRIENDS. As teenagers, friends make and shape our lives. Sure, we see people during school, but summer…In summer, you pick whom, and when you want to hang out. You aren’t confined to the hours between school and curfew. And THAT is the beauty of summer. The fact that you can do whatever you want, whenever you want, and see your friends constantly while you do it, that is SUMMER.

Dedicated to everyone who make my summers memorable: Robbie, Taylor, Michael, Abbi, Natalie, Nate, Emily, and EVERYONE else who made last summer awesome. I can't wait till next year!

5-14-2008

© 2007-2009 Jacob Tauer
This information is not to be used in any form, online or off, without the express permission of the author
 

True Friends

→ someone who can’t stand you being gone
→ someone who patiently waits for you to finish talking about cheating with another friend who interrupted you, then continue your conversation as if there were no interruption
→ someone who gives you Spanish answers every day just because you give him or her mints
→ someone you can “talk” to with expressions and hand signals
→ someone you know better than their own family
→ someone to whom you show your “true colors”
→ someone who doesn’t know your birthday and it doesn’t bother you
→ someone whose birthday you never want to miss
→ someone you say “hi” to no matter where you are or who you’re with
→ someone who you immediately look for at football games, lunch, dances, etc.
→ someone who actually cares about your problems and tries to help you with them
→ someone who goes through your stuff, sheds their BRIGHT RED HAIR all over, then denies it
→ someone who supports your dream to become a cheerleader
→ someone who will admit that they didn’t plan on liking you, it just happened after a while
→ someone who will randomly start a band just because you’ve always wanted to play bass guitar
→ someone who will take weird pictures of themselves for your photography project
→ someone who always encourages you in everything
→ someone who would insist it’s not that bad getting semi-boiling hot chocolate on you as long as it’s “fun”
→ someone who tells you a smurfin’ story about how Smurfette smurfed them in the smurfin’ parking lot. Smurf on.
→ someone who can pretend they’re talking to you about something serious and end with, “she needs to stop making fun of Garth Brooks every time she hears him.”
→ someone you are afraid to disappoint
→ BBH. That’s all there is to say
→ someone who will sit around after school to “lift”, then decide it’s not worth it
→ someone who is schizophrenic, denies it, then later agrees with you
→ someone you write a comment to that is supposed to include one memory but ends up including dozens
→ someone with whom you can have more than three topics going in six different e-mail messages
→ someone you always look forward to seeing
→ someone you just hang out with for the heck of it
→ someone that you joke about hating all the time, to their face
→ someone you would risk your life for
→ someone you don’t want to lose, no matter what
→ someone you dedicate a full AIM “buddy info” page to
→ the people who take up ¾ of your heroes list
→ someone who forgives you for running them over, even if you didn’t mean to
→ someone who makes sure you’re late for just about every class of the day
→ someone who you’re still texting 30 minutes after you decide you’re going to bed
→ someone who will sit onine after they said they were leaving because you’re babbling on and on meaninglessly
→ someone who is proud of you when you find all the grammatical errors
→ someone you are proud to refer to as your friend
→ the people you consider your brothers and sisters no matter how ridiculous that may be based on biology
→ the people who this includes but comes nowhere near to completely describing
To my dear, true friends.

5-14-2007

© 2007 Jacob Tauer

This information is not to be used in any form, online or off, without the express permission of the author. 

All I Want For Christmas Is....

my two front teeth? Nah, I have those already. A white Christmas? Nah, not the biggest fan of snow unless I can go screw around in it in my car. You? No…sure, I love my friends and family to death but there’s something I want even more.

So what do I want? Well, this is how I see it:

All this commercialized crap ruins the season. I used to be big into Christmas--the presents, the dinner, the time spent, the stories...everything. Now it’s one of my most dreaded seasons of the year because of everything that goes into it. The giant sales starting in early November, the ridiculously expensive presents that everyone just has to have or they won’t be happy, the incredible amount of money that’s involved. Quite honestly, I think Mr. Gaudette is on the right track with just donating everything to charity instead of giving presents. Sure, it may seem extreme but I think, in this world, we need something extreme to turn Christmas back into what it’s meant to be. So if anyone is getting me anything for Christmas (not that I want you to), please consider spending your money on something that doesn’t support an over-commercialized, coroporate spending binge. Give it to charity, or add it to what you’re spending on a little (or bigger) brother or sister or your parents. Make someone else’s Christmas because, quite honestly, my Christmas wish won’t be fulfilled until we get away from how Christmas is getting to be.

So I guess what I really want for Christmas is for this particular holiday to go back to what it used to be: the birth of Christ and spending time with the friends and family that mean the most to you.

I wish you all an early Merry Christmas and I hope it’s everything you want and more!

12-16-2009

© 2007-2009 Jacob Tauer
This information is not to be used in any form, online or off, without the express permission of the author
 

Happiness

Remember when everything you knew was 100% true without a question? When you could believe anything anyone told you and it was perfectly acceptable knowledge to keep? What ever happened to those days? Just last night I realized I’m going through this midlife crisis thing, teenager style. I’ve started to doubt everything I have ever known to be true. I used to believe in my faith without question. Now I’m somewhat unsure about whether what I have can even be considered faith anymore. I was always told (and have told others) that everything will end up okay in the end but I’m not entirely sure I can even believe that anymore with everything that goes on in this world. Just like a mid-life crisis, I’ve started to doubt if what I have been doing in life and what I had planned for my life is what I really want to do. Do I really want to go into the Guard or do I have the wrong motives? Do I want to go to school and, if so, where and for what? I’m even questioning and going as far as regretting many of my past decisions relating to school, relationships, friends, and family. I just can’t help but wonder what might have happened if I had made the opposite decision or chose to do one thing over another. This isn’t to say that I’m unhappy with my life because, in some areas, I’ve never been happier. It just bothers me not knowing whether I would have been happier if I had stayed in touch with this person or if I hadn’t decided to try something. Now I’m scared to make any major decisions because I know that, later in life, I could potentially go through this whole thing again, regretting the decisions I’m making right this second. Who knows, maybe I’ll even regret writing this instead of paying attention to my math review. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I would ask people for help but everyone either tells me what they want me to do or they won’t tell me anything. Neither answer helps me much since neither helps me to consider options that are best for me. It really sucks that that’s how this world works but it also sucks that there’s a constant possibility of nuclear war or contracting some new, deadly disease that hasn’t been discovered yet.

And so, my fellow Americans, ask not what your country, friends, family, or leaders can do for you (because they won’t be able to help much if your goal is to be happy), ask what decisions will best benefit your country, friends, families, and leaders. That’s the only real way to ensure that ANYBODY is happy.

1-5-2009

© 2007-2009 Jacob Tauer
This information is not to be used in any form, online or off, without the express permission of the author
 

SOS

I feel like this won’t go away no matter how hard I try to squeeze my eyes
shut so I can’t see the pain…Everything that I can say to you won’t help you.
Everything you need is right in front of you, just take it… Try to make it
through the daily pain that you feel. Maybe tomorrow won’t be so bad. I know it
because I once felt that way. Nothing I could say made it go away. I lived
through this, I still feel this, I just live for my tomorrow. Make it go away,
just make it go away.

Through the last few years, I have actively listened to and helped my good friends with their problems whether they are relationship problems, family issues, or other things that may come up. I love helping my friends in any way I can but I sometimes wonder if I do too much. I know I get a lot of help from my friends when I have problems and I appreciate it but I also went through a long period of time without any help from friends and I got through it just fine. I know that I can handle anything that comes up by myself if need be. Some friends, however, seem like they have never dealt with anything by themselves before. They always seem to want a plan for exactly how to handle things in their lives and I don’t have all the answers for them. I worry about what will happen when they go away to college or if I ever can’t be there for whatever reason. Daily I contemplate not helping these friends who need help constantly. A tough-love lesson in life may do them some good and teach them how to deal but, at the same time, I worry that they will either take it the wrong way and completely erase me from their lives or that they will end up hurting themselves or someone else. Either way, I could very easily end up the bad guy because I either “abandoned” my friends or I’m babying them and risking making them so dependent that, throughout the rest of their lives, they cannot get through their own problems without serious help. Who knew that someone who impacted only a small handful of people in his freshman year could potentially be making so many people’s lives so very difficult? I love my friends to death, and I wouldn’t trade them for anything, but why the heck do I have the power to influence them so much? I would almost like to go back to 9th grade when there was not nearly so much potential to negatively influence people. Unfortunately, this is not an option so I must take my chances with life as it is, hoping no one ends up hating me. I am just trying to help after all. It’s just too bad that, in this world, trying to do the right thing is almost always considered the wrong thing.

12-17-2008

© 2007-2008 Jacob Tauer
This information is not to be used in any form, online or off, without the express permission of the author.  

Like Suicide

Your mother came up to me. She wanted answers only she should know. It wasn’t
easy to deal with the tears that rolled down her face. I had no answers ‘cause I
didn’t even know you. But these words, they can’t replace the life you, the life
you waste. How could you paint this picture? With life as bad as it should seem
that there were no more options for you. I can’t explain how I feel. I’ve been
there many times before. I’ve tasted the cold steel of my life crashing down
before me. Did Daddy not love you? Or did he love you just too much? Did he
control you? Did he live through you at your cost? Did he leave no questions for
you to answer on your own? Well fuck that! And fuck her! And fuck him! And fuck
you for not having the strength in your heart to pull through! I’ve had doubts!
I have failed! I’ve fucked up! I’ve had plans! Doesn’t mean I should take my
life with my own hands! -STAIND

This song stemmed from a mother asking the lead singer why her son committed suicide and him not having the answers for her. I’ve had a few scary times in my life when life just seemed too overwhelming and I was not sure if it would ever get better again. I have some great people supporting me, however, and they have always been able to help me through. After one of these times, I sat down and thought about what would actually happen, the actual implications of my actions (a shocker for me, I know). I realized that this is not just about me; this is about everyone that knows me and cares about me. I would be hurting so many people – my parents, sister, grandparents and extended family, all of my friends, my youth minister, teachers at BLS and maybe even some here at PLHS, I would even hurt the people at my job, even if it’s only because they need to fill my position and shifts. These people who commit or consider committing suicide have to be so incredibly wrapped up in themselves, it’s almost unfathomable. The loss of one person causes such huge ripples throughout everyone they know or have ever come into contact with and they don’t stop to think that there may actually be a repercussion that affects more than just them yet they have enough time to plan how they are going to take their lives and they just don’t care. With a little help and attention, its completely possible to stop a suicide. The question is: do you care enough?

1-9-2009

© 2007-2009 Jacob Tauer
This information is not to be used in any form, online or off, without the express permission of the author.  

The Simple Things

A poet once wrote, "You must love life to live life." I never really understood what that meant until we did an exercise in English in which the class had to come up with 10 little things, simple things, which we enjoy in our lives. As everyone came up with ideas like showering, brushing their teeth, and relaxing at their cabins, I realized that we all too often overlook the smallest, most pleasurable things in life. How long has it been since you watched the sunrise or set? How long has it been since you last sat around a bonfire with your closest friends and just stared up into the stars or down into the fire and talked about life? When was the last time you wondered why sunsets are so beautiful or why the sky is blue and then got a good chuckle at your younger sibling or neighbor’s perspective? When was the last time you rocked out in your car, regardless of the looks you might receive? How often do you tell your friends and family that you appreciate them, love them? If you are anything like me, the answers to those questions is something along the lines of “not nearly as recently as I’d like.” Don’t you ever feel like you are missing many of the moments that are supposed to define life?After that little exercise, I decided I need another goal in life: to attempt to slow down time, slow down life itself during those little moments that make or break how you end up defining your life. You may say it’s not possible but I would be willing to make a bet. If you do any of those things I mentioned or whatever you consider your own “simple thing” and you don’t have a greater appreciation for life, I will retract everything I just said and make a public announcement that you are right and the little things don’t matter.So take the time to slow down and attempt to appreciate the small things so that when you’re on your deathbed, looking back on your life, you don’t simply say “Well, I survived x number of years, but I wish…” but rather you can say, “You know what? I’ve lived x number of years and I loved every minute of it.”

Dedicated to:Mr. Lundstrom
Abbi, Michael, Taylor, Katie, Kelsey, Courtney, Kyle, Bridgett, and everyone else who helps me appreciate the simple things in my life.
Thank you all.

3-17-2008

© 2007-2008 Jacob Tauer
This information is not to be used in any form, online or off, without the express permission of the author.  

Hurry Up and Wait

Hurry up and get up; wait for the shower to warm up.
Hurry up and get ready; wait for your sister's alarm to go off to make sure she gets up.
Hurry up and make breakfast; wait for the toaster to pop.
Hurry up and get in the car; wait for the car to defrost.
Hurry up and get to school; wait for the never-changing stoplight.
Hurry up and get to class; wait for the bell to ring.
Hurry up and get a spot at lunch; wait for the line to go down.
Hurry up to get to the media center; wait for the super-long open period to end.
Hurry up and grab your stuff to leave school; wait for the parking lot to clear out.
Hurry up and get home; wait till you can leave again.
Hurry up to meet your grandpa and sister; wait for her school to let out.
Hurry up and get to the hospital room; wait while nurses do whatever they have to do.
Hurry up and finish visiting, we're hungry; wait to get to a restaurant.
Hurry up and find what you're ordering; wait for the waitress.
Hurry up and eat; wait for everyone else to finish.
Hurry up and get to bed; wait for sleep to come.
Hurry up and wait for it to start all over again.

1-27-2009

© 2007-2009 Jacob Tauer
This information is not to be used in any form, online or off, without the express permission of the author.  

Sick

sick of work
sick of school
sick of family
sick of expectations
sick of political correctness
sick of the economy
sick of pain
sick of cancer and surgery
sick of sickness
sick
sick
sick

when can i be "healthy" again?

2-27-2009

© 2007-2009 Jacob Tauer
This information is not to be used in any form, online or off, without the express permission of the author.  

Lost

Job: lost
Money: lost
Music: lost
Friends: lost
Freedoms: lost
Confidence: lost
Motivation: lost
Knowledge: lost
Trust: lost
Aspirations: lost
Sanity: lost
Respect: lost
Integrity: lost
Values: lost
Self: lost
Inspiration: intac...

lost.

2-17-2009

© 2007-2009 Jacob Tauer
This information is not to be used in any form, online or off, without the express permission of the author.