Problem...solved?

I feel like this won’t go away no matter how hard I try to squeeze my eyes shut so I can’t see the pain…Everything that I can say to you won’t help you. Everything you need is right in front of you, just take it… Try to make it through the daily pain that you feel. Maybe tomorrow won’t be so bad. I know it because I once felt that way. Nothing I could say made it go away. I lived through this, I still feel this, I just live for my tomorrow. Make it go away, just make it go away.

Through the last few years, I have actively listened to and helped my good friends with their problems whether they are relationship problems, family issues, or other things that may come up. I love helping my friends in any way I can but I sometimes wonder if I do too much. I know I get a lot of help from my friends when I have problems and I appreciate it but I also went through a long period of time without any help from friends and I got through it just fine. I know that I can handle anything that comes up by myself if need be. Some friends, however, seem like they have never dealt with anything by themselves before. They always seem to want a plan for exactly how to handle things in their lives and I don’t have all the answers for them. I worry about what will happen when they go away to college or if I ever can’t be there for whatever reason. Daily I contemplate not helping these friends who need help constantly. A tough-love lesson in life may do them some good and teach them how to deal but, at the same time, I worry that they will either take it the wrong way and completely erase me from their lives or that they will end up hurting themselves or someone else. Either way, I could very easily end up the bad guy because I either “abandoned” my friends or I’m babying them and risking making them so dependent that, throughout the rest of their lives, they cannot get through their own problems without serious help. Who knew that someone who impacted only a small handful of people in his freshman year could potentially be making so many people’s lives so very difficult? I love my friends to death, and I wouldn’t trade them for anything, but why the heck do I have the power to influence them so much? I would almost like to go back to 9th grade when there was not nearly so much potential to negatively influence people. Unfortunately, this is not an option so I must take my chances with life as it is, hoping no one ends up hating me. I am just trying to help after all. It’s just too bad that, in this world, trying to do the right thing is almost always considered the wrong thing.

12-17-2008

© 2007-2009 Jacob Tauer
This information is not to be used in any form, online or off, without the express permission of the author