Remember when everything you knew was 100% true without a question? When you could believe anything anyone told you and it was perfectly acceptable knowledge to keep? What ever happened to those days? Just last night I realized I’m going through this midlife crisis thing, teenager style. I’ve started to doubt everything I have ever known to be true. I used to believe in my faith without question. Now I’m somewhat unsure about whether what I have can even be considered faith anymore. I was always told (and have told others) that everything will end up okay in the end but I’m not entirely sure I can even believe that anymore with everything that goes on in this world. Just like a mid-life crisis, I’ve started to doubt if what I have been doing in life and what I had planned for my life is what I really want to do. Do I really want to go into the Guard or do I have the wrong motives? Do I want to go to school and, if so, where and for what? I’m even questioning and going as far as regretting many of my past decisions relating to school, relationships, friends, and family. I just can’t help but wonder what might have happened if I had made the opposite decision or chose to do one thing over another. This isn’t to say that I’m unhappy with my life because, in some areas, I’ve never been happier. It just bothers me not knowing whether I would have been happier if I had stayed in touch with this person or if I hadn’t decided to try something. Now I’m scared to make any major decisions because I know that, later in life, I could potentially go through this whole thing again, regretting the decisions I’m making right this second. Who knows, maybe I’ll even regret writing this instead of paying attention to my math review. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I would ask people for help but everyone either tells me what they want me to do or they won’t tell me anything. Neither answer helps me much since neither helps me to consider options that are best for me. It really sucks that that’s how this world works but it also sucks that there’s a constant possibility of nuclear war or contracting some new, deadly disease that hasn’t been discovered yet.
And so, my fellow Americans, ask not what your country, friends, family, or leaders can do for you (because they won’t be able to help much if your goal is to be happy), ask what decisions will best benefit your country, friends, families, and leaders. That’s the only real way to ensure that ANYBODY is happy.
1-5-2009
© 2007-2009 Jacob Tauer
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