Regrets

"Forget regret, or life is yours to miss."

- Jonathan Larson

"To regret something is to hang yourself with your own noose. Mental suicide."

- Anonymous

"If only. Those must be the two saddest words in the world."

- Mercedes Lackey

"I would much rather have regrets about not doing what people said, than regretting not doing what my heart led me to and wondering what life had been like if I'd just been myself"

- Brittany Renee

"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.”

- Sydney Smith

"I see it all perfectly; there are two possible situations - one can either do this or that. My honest opinion and my friendly advice is this: do it or do not do it - you will regret both."

- Soren Kierkegaard

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Live without regret. Regret is no longer regret if you learned from it. Don’t regret what happened because it could’ve turned out so much worse.

All those sayings are trash. Garbage. Complete and utter bullshit. No doubt good to strive to live by, but impossible to attain. Everyone has regrets, and whether you learned from what happened or not doesn’t affect that it still hangs there, in the back of your mind, that giant “WHAT IF?” Most of you positive, no-regret thinkers are out there right now thinking, “This guy is nuts! I don’t have regrets!” But you do. You’re not admitting it to yourself, but if you look back, maybe start uncovering some long-buried memories, there is something in your past that you regret. And that’s normal. The important thing is what we do with those regrets.

There are people who bury the memories and the context of the regret in order to make it seem like it doesn’t exist and, for all intents and purposes, it doesn’t to them. They don’t think about it. They can live in their fantasy regret-free world. Nothing is wrong with that. No one will diagnose them as psychotic for it, no one will tell them to just live and let live, no one will see anything wrong in the way they live. They will be the perfectly happy, optimistic people they are and go through life in relative bliss. I think I’d even be safe in saying that half or more of the population falls into this category, even with the selfish, need-to-be-perfect society we live in. What I want from these people is for them to know the other side of the story, to know that it’s out there, and to respect the people that have to deal with it.

The other half of the population lets their regrets eat them alive, destroying their mind, emotionally tearing them apart from the inside. “Mental suicide.” For these people, every day is filled with that “What if?” Always second-guessing their actions, not only from the past, but also what they do every day. It’s similar to a bad relationship. Someone gets hurt and from that point on, they are constantly over-cautious about their future relationships in order to try to save themselves the hurt. The vast majority of these people live perfectly normal lives, just like the first group, except instead of being blissfully unaware of their regrets, they are simply able to overcome or push them aside. The minority of people are those who cannot deal with things so simply, ending up with anxiety issues, sometimes to the point of depression.

I’d like to say that, because I’m aware of both groups, I’ve been able to consciously train myself to live and think like the first group. That would be a lie. There are definitely regrets hidden in the depths of my subconscious that I’m not currently aware of and which I hope I never become aware of. But I fit snugly within the second group. I have regrets that I am acutely aware of and which I simply cannot wish away. One of these stays in the forefront of my mind because situations it is associated with come up quite frequently. Another I cannot shake because, for some reason, I still think about the situation, even though it no longer occurs in my life in any way, shape, or form. I have a very strong feeling that my degree choice is going to come back and bite me farther down the road.

I’m not giving anyone excuses for how they are or anything like that. “Woe is me” stuff doesn’t work with me. I’m dealing with it, you can too. I’m no stronger than anyone else out there; your mental and emotional strength is entirely what you make it. My hope is that people will begin to realize that it’s OKAY to have regrets. It’s perfectly natural. You don’t have to hide it or be ashamed. If you don’t want to go into specifics, obviously that’s your right to privacy. I don’t share mine either. But acknowledge they are there. Write them down and face them head on. Some of them, you may realize either aren’t actually regrets or that you can actually do something to fix it. Facing your past will allow you to be more true to yourself, allowing you to understand yourself, why you act and feel and think the way you do. This is an extremely important part in the process of self-definition: facing your fears and regrets head on and coming to terms with them in the most positive way possible.

You can’t live without regrets. It’s not possible. What you CAN do is live your life in the way that makes you happiest, looking back over your shoulder occasionally. When you see something you don’t like, turn around, wave your past self forward, sit down over some coffee (or beer or whatever your drink of choice is) and talk it out. Explain to yourself why you made the decision you did, why you thought that choice would make you happier. Once you’ve done that, get up, turn forward once again, and march on.

01/15/2011
© 2007-2011 Jacob Tauer
This information is not to be used in any form, online or off, without the express permission of the author