Like Suicide

Your mother came up to me. She wanted answers only she should know. It wasn’t
easy to deal with the tears that rolled down her face. I had no answers ‘cause I
didn’t even know you. But these words, they can’t replace the life you, the life
you waste. How could you paint this picture? With life as bad as it should seem
that there were no more options for you. I can’t explain how I feel. I’ve been
there many times before. I’ve tasted the cold steel of my life crashing down
before me. Did Daddy not love you? Or did he love you just too much? Did he
control you? Did he live through you at your cost? Did he leave no questions for
you to answer on your own? Well fuck that! And fuck her! And fuck him! And fuck
you for not having the strength in your heart to pull through! I’ve had doubts!
I have failed! I’ve fucked up! I’ve had plans! Doesn’t mean I should take my
life with my own hands! -STAIND

This song stemmed from a mother asking the lead singer why her son committed suicide and him not having the answers for her. I’ve had a few scary times in my life when life just seemed too overwhelming and I was not sure if it would ever get better again. I have some great people supporting me, however, and they have always been able to help me through. After one of these times, I sat down and thought about what would actually happen, the actual implications of my actions (a shocker for me, I know). I realized that this is not just about me; this is about everyone that knows me and cares about me. I would be hurting so many people – my parents, sister, grandparents and extended family, all of my friends, my youth minister, teachers at BLS and maybe even some here at PLHS, I would even hurt the people at my job, even if it’s only because they need to fill my position and shifts. These people who commit or consider committing suicide have to be so incredibly wrapped up in themselves, it’s almost unfathomable. The loss of one person causes such huge ripples throughout everyone they know or have ever come into contact with and they don’t stop to think that there may actually be a repercussion that affects more than just them yet they have enough time to plan how they are going to take their lives and they just don’t care. With a little help and attention, its completely possible to stop a suicide. The question is: do you care enough?

1-9-2009

© 2007-2009 Jacob Tauer
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