Anguish

Anguish

You judge me but you don't know the half of it.
You claim to know me but you don't know even half of me
You say we're so close, best buds, real tight.
Then you get with your friends and tear me down with your mental might
God will judge at life's last breath
But you like to judge long before a person's death.
I don't understand how you can be so mean, so cruel.
After all, what did I ever do to you?
I just live my life, go through day by day
But you go out of your way to say
That you can't stand what I believe, what I feel strongly about.
You tear me down and rip my soul out.
You make me feel like shit whether you know it or not
But can you please stop?
It's all I've got.

(Gunshot, siren)

Dear god forgive them, they know not what they've done.
Please forgive them
For your one and only son
has died for their sins,
They need not die,
I'll keep an eye on them from up here in the sky.
And maybe someday they'll realize that it really was their fault,
My life's demise.
Until then, Lord, I'll watch over them with you in the sky,
hoping they die……hoping they die.

12/9/2009

© 2007-2010 Jacob Tauer
This information is not to be used in any form, online or off, without the express permission of the author  

Jesus, Jesus

Jesus, Jesus – Noah Gundersen
Jesus, Jesus, could you tell me what the problem is
With the world and all the people in it?
Because I've been hearing stories about the end of the world
But I'm in love with a girl and I don't wanna leave her
And the television screams such hideous things
They're talking about the war on the radio
They say the whole thing's gonna blow
And we will all be left alone
No we'll be dead and we won't know what hit us
Jesus, Jesus, if you're up there won't you hear me
'Cause I've been wondering if you're listening for quite a while
And Jesus, Jesus, it's such a pretty place we live in
And I know we fucked it up, please be kind
Don't let us go out like the dinosaurs
Or blown to bits in a third world war
There are a hundred different things I'd still like to do
I'd like to climb to the top of the Eiffel Tower
Look up from the ground at a meteor shower
And maybe even raise a family
Jesus, Jesus, there are those that say they love you
But they have treated me so damn mean
And I know you said "forgive them for they know not what they do"
But sometimes I think they do
And I think about you
If all the heathens burn in hell, do all their children burn as well?
What about the Muslims and the gays and the unwed mothers?
What about me and all my friends?
Are we all sinners if we sin?
Does it even matter in the end if we're unhappy?
Jesus, Jesus, I'm still looking for answers
Though I know that I won't find them here tonight
But Jesus, Jesus, could you call me if you have the time?
And maybe we could meet for coffee and work it out
And maybe then I'll understand what it's all about



This song doesn't necessarily coincide with my beliefs but it struck home as I listened to it. There are so many problems, questions, doubts, fears, and God is not always visibly interacting with us. I’ve asked why He could let something like “this” happen, why He doesn't fix everything and just make everyone happy and peaceful. I’ve doubted his existence, doubted his power, doubted his ability to fix things. I’ve left Him out of my daily routine and I very nearly left Him behind when I left for college. I have essentially LIVED this song and I go through periods of hating myself for it. Then I step back and I realize, this isn’t what He wants. He doesn’t want me to hate myself for having doubts or being scared or leaving Him behind. Sure, it saddens Him when I do these things, but ultimately, all He wants is for me is to come back to Him, to believe in Him and love Him, and to share Him and His love with others. No doubt, it will be a constant, challenging test of my faith, especially while I’m at school but I know that if I trust in Him, and with enough of the right types of support, I can strengthen my faith in Him, even beyond what I had as a child.
Whether you believe in the same God as me, different Gods, or no God at all, this song can still speak to you. We are all more or less seeing, hearing about, and experiencing the same social problems. We all have doubts and fears about our government, wars, poverty, basic needs being met, and many other things. We all also have the same basic goals: to be successful in whatever we do, to be happy, to be a part of a loving, caring family, no matter what the makeup of that family may be. With all these similarities, you’d think we would be willing to sit down and talk to each other about our doubts and fears more often, to get things off our chests and relieve our minds. Here’s your chance to start. I’ve always offered to be an outlet for my friends to talk to if they ever have a problem or want to get something off their chest but I’ve never made a wide-spread effort to allow people to get things off their chest. This is my first attempt:
I have set up two e-mail accounts, caresandfears@hotmail.com and advice.please@hotmail.com . If you have any problems, any doubts, any fears that you just need to get off your chest without the feeling that someone will judge you, feel free to send them to the first one. This one is completely anonymous. I have set up the account purely for this purpose and I will never check it again. I used a password that is completely unique to the account and one that I will not remember 2 days from now.
If you have problems or questions you want advice or feedback on, send them to the second one. If you want to be anonymous, that’s fine too! Check out a disposable e-mail account such as the one at http://mytrashmail.com/ . Make sure you find one in which you can receive replies back or leave some other way of contacting you if this is the method you use. I will do my best to answer and advise and if I can’t personally help you, I’ll try to get you in touch with someone who can. You can also send cares and fears to this one if you want someone (me) to see them. If you don’t want feedback and just want to share, simply specify that in the e-mail and I will do nothing more than read it.

11/17/2009

© 2007-2009 Jacob Tauer
This information is not to be used in any form, online or off, without the express permission of the author

Once Upon A Time…

I recently rediscovered a song that I somehow remember hearing many times throughout my childhood and have had it playing on my iPod and computer almost continuously ever since.
A special someone colored me a picture of a Sesame Street character I grew up knowing as “Cookie Monster.”  This picture, however, featured a character that looked much like Cookie Monster except he had assorted vegetables in front of him and the caption originally read, “Me love veggies!”
A few weeks ago, in my Psychology lab, we were talking about modeling behavior and stereotypes.  To illustrate how much violence is in some children’s shows, we watched a segment of an episode of Power Rangers.  After class, many of us joked about the over-acting and special effects.
What do these things have in common with each other and too many other tings?  They were all part of a childhood that is long gone and forgotten for most of us.  Sure, the song from my childhood may be different than someone else’s, and maybe a lot of girls didn’t watch Power Rangers but you can surely think of other things from your childhood that have been lost or forgotten.
So what happened to that childhood?  Surely society did not simply delete everything associated with those years, erasing it forever.  No, that can’t be possible because, chances are, that childhood crush you had is probably still alive and well, and your parents probably still have much of your childhood stuff.  So where did it go?  I’m willing to bet that it’s still in your memory, just shoved back behind years of experiences and book-learning.
We all need a little relief from the everyday stresses and strains of our lives.  Since those memories are still there, why don’t you access them, get a little reprieve, and take a stroll down memory lane?  Do this with a friend or parent to help remind you of things you once loved but have since forgotten.  Take some time to write those things down and, every once in a while, pull out that list of memories out and re-live them in your mind.  After all, to feel the freedom and carelessness of a child again, you have to remember what it’s like to be a child.
Once you’ve done this, post a memory, favorite book or TV show, or things you used to do, and read about what others did and liked.  Who knows, maybe you’ll find out your worst enemy actually liked and did many of the same things as you! 

11/10/2009

© 2007-2009 Jacob Tauer
This information is not to be used in any form, online or off, without the express permission of the author